“Those who are without compassion cannot see what is seen with the eyes of compassion.”

“Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering by all means, including personal contact and visits, images, sounds. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.”

“We need to be aware of the suffering, but retain our clarity, calmness and strength so we can help transform the situation.”

~ All quotes by Thich Nhat Hanh

Dear friends,

I hope you are enjoying some happiness this Holiday weekend. Here in CT, the weather is gloriously fresh, the air is dry, and the sun is shining. For me right now, no one in my life is acute distress—no friends, pets, or loved ones are in deep or unremitting suffering, so life is pretty sweet. Maybe that’s setting the bar a bit low, but contentment is the opposite of craving and when we can settle into the sweet and uncomplicated moments of life, we’ve ended our own suffering.

Speaking of suffering, I’d like to address something that comes up for those on spiritual paths. It disguises itself as diligence but is actually a way to keep our suffering and self-criticism alive and use our practice to do more violence to ourselves. In the past few weeks, I’ve encountered folks in distress because of health difficulties, extreme uncertainty, and past traumatic issues that continue to arise. Each person expressed dismay that their practice wasn’t strong enough to support them in finding joy and equanimity during these hard times and to be happy in the midst of suffering. These folks feel that they are doing something wrong because they feel sad, confused, or thrown off balance by life’s events.

My heart sinks when I hear people expressing that their acknowledgment of pain is somehow off-limits. There’s the belief that those who are spiritually evolved don’t feel many feelings besides happiness. We imagine that if we were better at our practice, we would be beyond pain and stoically smiling through all the unpredictable issues life throws at us. I wish I were one of those people who have cut the fetters to the view of self and only feel joy and happiness—but I am not, and I am guessing that most of us are not arahants either. Our most venerable teachers must know and understand the suffering inherent in life to be able to help us transcend our own suffering.

The early life of the Buddha describes him as a small child sitting beneath the Rose apple tree seeing the pain of living beings. When a spring field was plowed, he looked at the bodies of the dead and mangled insects trampled by the horse and cut by the plow, being eaten by birds and other living beings, and felt deep compassion and sadness for the pain and loss of their lives. He was able to come home to himself and meditate to be stable in the presence of this suffering. When we dampen our ability to feel our sadness, we also dampen the ability to know our compassion and our own stability that leads to happiness. This belief in stoicism and cutting off from knowing suffering is an example of Thich Nhat Hanh’s message of “present moment, wonderful moment,” grasped the wrong way and used as a shield to deflect our own compassion from ourselves.

When we visit our mother in a nursing home and she cannot recognize us any longer, that is not a happy moment, nor is receiving the news our loved one has a serious diagnosis, or that our child will be born with a physical anomaly. When our middle-aged spouse dies after a short illness, these are not wonderful moments no matter how long we’ve been meditating and practicing for. The first Noble Truth—one of the truths that ennoble us, is that suffering exists. Dukkha [stress, dissatisfaction, undependability, pain, illbeing] is a part of life.

The Buddha described three types of dukkha, the first Dukkha dukkhataa is the suffering of living in a body that will get hungry, cold, tired, sick, and ultimately stop working. The second Sanakaara dukkhataa is the suffering of impermanence, all things change and are inconstant and will need maintenance. The new Mercedes and the most lovely oak tree, will both change with conditions and need care and attention to continue to function over time. The third is the Viparanaama dukkhataa is the inconsistency of the pleasant. We don’t like when the good times cease and wish things were different and much more satisfying. This is the dukkha that leads us to chase after pleasure and can lead to addictions—trying to get back to that perfect feeling when we first…drank that drink, smoked that smoke, fell in love, ate that food, took that drug, any and all of those.

The Buddha was a realist and let us know that some moments, to use the teenage vernacular, really suck. His teaching urged us to know suffering, to understand it—not to deny it is painful and unpleasant. And when we are faced with these moments, denying that we are in pain or expecting ourselves to be happy adds another arrow of suffering to our situation. We cannot selectively feel our feelings. When we suppress our pain, we also lose connection with our happiness. When we know we are suffering, we are already on the path towards relieving it because just like first responders, we can learn how to help ourselves in any crisis. We can become our own healing, compassionate presence of care at each moment.

Thich Nhat Hanh knows about suffering and the end of suffering, so how do these gathas [practice poems] actually awaken us to what is wonderful and happy? In 2013, Thay led a retreat called, The Art of Suffering, where he taught exclusively about how to be with suffering. How to be close to ourselves at each moment without running into distraction and looking for a pill or potion to take away our unhappiness. The ability to know we are suffering and to meet the moment with kindness and true self-empathy is a source of happiness. It is a skill that we develop—the skill to keep showing up and caring for this life and our tender feeling heart at all moments.

Knowing when things are bad when we are in pain and not denying it but caring for our own experience means that all moments have the capability to be wonderful because of our efforts—not because they are wanted or pain-free. Happiness comes when we learn to stand in the midst of our pain and open our hearts to it and know we can be there for this too. It is recognizing suffering and moving forward with the intent to care for our own pain. That is a wonderful gift, the ability to be unafraid of our feelings and to know we are capable of showing up for ourselves. It is this ability, the cultivation of the loving heart and the intersection of compassion which can create the conditions for equanimity and joy for ourselves and others.

May we all trust our light,

Celia