“Joy is being willing for things to be as they are.”

~ Charlotte Joko Beck

“Mindfulness helps us go home to the here and now and get in touch with life. We have an appointment with life. That appointment takes place in the present moment. If you miss the present moment, you miss your appointment with life.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

“Life always gives us

exactly the teacher we need

at every moment.

This includes every mosquito,

every misfortune, every red light,

every traffic jam,

every obnoxious supervisor (or employee),

every illness, every loss,

every moment of joy or depression,

every addiction,

every piece of garbage,

every breath.

Every moment is the guru.”

~ Charlotte Joko Beck

 

Dear friends,

Have you noticed that identifying what we don’t like and arranging our lives to avoid that thing doesn’t really work? Our life is our teacher. Life is the best and the most unyielding teacher we possess. What I’ve noticed is wherever I am caught, whatever I am resisting and hoping to get a respite from—that’s the very thing that life is going to shower me with. There’s a self-selecting pattern that keeps whatever is too big or scary playing out in my life, like a theme song.

A meditation teacher explained to me years ago that whatever we take issue with, whether it is irritating people, ignorance, fighting, not being considered, greed—name your poison—life would keep presenting us with this situation until something shifts. That sounds rather mysterious and vague. To make it more real, we can use the example of wanting peace and harmony and finding ourselves in the company of those who enjoy fighting and loudly debating, or we want to be considered…and we are not invited to the decision-making conversations. As my teacher explained, when we give ourselves enough respect and consideration, we no longer put ourselves in the way of what is painful. We learn to protect our own consciousness. She explained that this was also an energetic transformation and others recognize who will put up with their shenanigans—and who won’t. The world doesn’t change—we do.

Recently, I’ve been wanting some solidity, some connection with community and to put down roots, but life is not affording me that opportunity and I am left wondering if I will be moving again soon. I recognize that life is purifying me, pulling the earth from beneath my feet so I can learn to trust my own ability to balance. Life is teaching me at each transition and when things stop rocking my world, it is a sign that I have learned something. When there are balance and equanimity in times that would have sent us running from the room—or running to the Ben and Jerry’s—those events no longer have power to throw us off kilter and we may find that their incidence declines or stops.

Personally, I find it a relief to know that there is a purpose to this tumult and agitation—one of purification. There is a saying in meditation circles, “what is in the way, is the way.” This requires looking at our reactivity and conditioning without running. Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that if we are not available to the present moment, we miss our appointment with life. We don’t show up for the moments that are our teacher. Research shows us that not being present with what’s happening is not only commonplace, it actually causes more unhappiness than being present with what is.

Harvard University happiness researchers Matt Killingworth and Daniel Gilbert developed an I-phone app to sample real-time data relating to being present and happiness. They received over 650,000 reports from more than 15,000 adults aged 18-80 in over 80 countries evaluating their happiness. This data answered only three questions, “How are you feeling right now? What are you doing right now?” And, “Are you thinking of something other than what you’re currently doing?” Analyzing the results, the data showed mind wandering which ranged from a high of 65% during tooth brushing and showering to 50% at work, 40% while exercising and a low of 10% during sex. Researchers found that regardless of activity, the mind that wandered was “generally the cause, and not merely the consequence of unhappiness.” Regardless of the activity, the more the mind wandered, the lower the happiness level reported. This was true even in events like traffic jams and housework.

Matt Killingworth describes this correlation in his TED talk, “Yet even when people are thinking about something they describe as neutral, they’re still considerably less happy than when they’re not mind-wandering. In fact, even when they’re thinking about something they describe as pleasant, they’re still slightly less happy than when they aren’t mind-wandering at all.” Being with what is not only can create more happiness in us, it is the only way we can learn from our life.

Standing firmly present with compassionate mindfulness can give us the tools we need to make changes that matter. This week, I am inviting you to use the Zen teaching that asks us, “what in this moment is lacking?” It’s a real question, deserving an authentic, honest answer. Only when we are willing to know our fear, resistance, or hesitation in this moment, can we realize our solidity and accept the appointment with life. Only by being with what is can we learn what life is teaching us about our freedom.

May we all trust our light,

Celia