What gets between us and happiness?

This is an important inquiry in our lives. When you’re really happy ask yourself, what’s going on? What’s going on inside you when you’re really happy? ~Tara Brach

“Each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life- a missed opportunity to engage life and to see that each moment gives us the chance to change for the better, to experience peace and joy.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh, Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life

“Happiness is here and now.

I have dropped my worries.

Nothing to do. Nowhere to go.

There’s no need for hurry.

Happiness is here and now.

I have dropped my worries.

Something to do. Somewhere to go.

But, there’s no need for hurry.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Dear Friends,

I hope you are well and happy and enjoying your moments. For many people, this is an exciting and joyful time of year, but for some, it’s stressful, demanding, and fraught with expectations and obligation. Often, the holidays feel like something to be endured, as if we’re holding our breath until January second until we can relax and return to our routine. For many of us, happiness is something that will happen once all the work is finished, the shopping done, all the presents and visits are over and the obligations are complete.

We know from neuroimaging that how we train our minds creates the functional connections of thought. This is called neuroplasticity. The regions and connections in our brains that are used repeatedly become strong, denser, and more active, resulting in faster and more direct activation. Neuroscientist Willoughby Britton says that every thought we have is micro-surgery in our brain. This means that every thought we have changes the physical structure and function of our brain.

When we spend our days leaning into the future and waiting to be happy, what are we practicing? What kind of neural infrastructure are we creating? We are learning to ignore the present moment and focus on the future promise of happiness when we are finished with chores, our education when we get the promotion, or move to Seattle. What we often find is that when we get the thing we’ve been trying for, the quiet moment, the completed list of projects, we can’t enjoy it. That’s because we do not know how to stop and find contentment in this moment. We’ve learned to only feel alive when we’re chasing a goal. When we arrive, we find deflation and disappointment. It’s not exactly what we thought. We don’t know how to relax, to find happiness and contentment in not striving.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains, “The present moment is the substance with which the future is made. Therefore, the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment. What else can you do?” If I wait until all my chores are done to find some happiness and joy in my life, I will never find it, because I am training in pushing forward. I am not training in the practice of happiness.

Stopping and recognizing my goodness and my gifts is counter-culture in our capitalistic society. If I believe that I have enough, that I am enough, I don’t need to buy a new car to feel my worth. The belief that I can have happiness right here and now won’t keep the economy growing. A consumer society needs us to feel lacking and desperation in order to fill our emptiness with smartphones and devices that promise happiness and connection but cannot deliver on their promise.  Nothing that we buy or achieve will fill the void of not enough. That can only come from trusting our own worth. If I believe I am enough, I may stop working so hard and chasing promotions and opportunities because my peace, relationships, and well-being are more important than being regarded by others as successful.

The Buddha encouraged us to be with the body in the body. This means stopping planning and doing and dropping back into an embodied presence. Slowing down and feeling what is happening in this body and mind. Insight meditation teacher Narayan Liebson asks us to consider how much metta (loving kindness) is in our hands. This means infusing our actions with kindness, caring, and compassion. Ask yourself, how can my hands transmit kindness today? My eyes, my thoughts, and words? Can I spend a day being kindness in action? When we open up to connecting with a larger identity, we stop seeing the world as something we need to conquer and overcome, and we can gradually learn to practice finding joy, contentment, and solidity right here, right now. So please take a moment to consider, what’s right with me, right now. That is how we train to create the habit of happiness.

May we all trust our light,

Celia