Lilly and Neko napping

“I wouldn’t give a tinker’s damn for a man who isn’t sometimes afraid. Fear’s the spice that makes it interesting to go ahead.”   ~Daniel Boone

“There are more things likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.”  ~Seneca

“Leave a legacy of love, not a legacy of fear.”  ~Shannon L. Adler

If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Would you want to have super strength, be able to walk through walls, or become an investment wizard, and pull some fast cash out of the stock market? My super power wish is for one of the gifts described by the Buddha, it is the gift of non-fear.

For a long while I’ve thought about fear, about how fear contributes to the three poisons, greed, anger (encompassing aversion or hatred) and delusion. I thought fear should be categorized as the fourth poison-or maybe the root of all the poisons. Fear of losing our place contributes to hatred of another, fear of not having enough contributes to greed, and fear of what we will become, or what is really occurring, can contribute to delusion. I wanted to categorize fear as a totally negative trait, something to get rid of, but then I heard a Dharma talk about the goodness of fear.

It was by Sister Yoi Nhgiem at Blue Cliff Monastery. She spoke about fear as our primal protective instinct and how fear kept our ancestors alive. Fear keeps us from stepping into traffic and from eating that overly mature Chinese food in the fridge. I listened and grudgingly accepted that maybe fear had a larger more complicated place in our emotional storehouse. I read a case history of a woman missing her amygdala, the fear center of the brain. She was assaulted at knife point in Central Park and returned the next morning, without any concern for her safety. Fear can be common sense.

The fear that stops us, the fear that keeps us from risking, the fear that keeps us trapped in our beliefs that cause suffering, that is the fear that is an obstacle. The Insight Meditation Society groups fear under the heading of aversion. “Fear is having aversion of something that hasn’t yet happened. (Something imagined, even if likely will still never be just like you imagined…). Being in the body is very important for working with fear” (Insight Meditation Society). Staying in the present moment with body centered practice, breath, or mindful walking is a good way to work with fear, returning over and over to the present moment, appreciating what is safe and at ease right now.

Thây gives us the practice of making a list of our fears. In this practice, we can notice what we can release, what we can recognize as unrealistic, and look deeply at the roots of our fears. What would happen if the thing we are so afraid of comes to pass? Will it make us look bad? Will it affect our finances, or health? Are we resisting something because we doubt our ability to care for ourselves? Can we see that our fears center around keeping us safe? A few years ago, I made a list of my fears from the ridiculous to the ultimate. It became the poem below. Whenever I share this, folks comment that they are afraid of the same things—mostly.

We are all afraid; it is our nature. Courage only exists when there is fear. It is doing what we believe is right, despite being afraid. Developing a familiarity with our fears keeps them from surprising us and stopping us. Making a list and setting aside time to be with our fear is a way of loosening the grip of fear. Recognizing that our fears come from a deep innate desire to care for ourselves can allow us to be more peaceful with fear and to even say, “Hello my fear, thank you for trying to take such good care of me.”

Smiling,

Celia

 

Fears—The Short List

I am afraid of being late.

Also, I have the normal fears of car crashes, war, climate change, genetically modified food, of cancer, aids, and poverty, sickness, old age, death, and public speaking,

not necessarily in that order.

I am afraid of losing my keys,

losing my mind,

losing my hair and discovering it growing in new and unusual places.

I am afraid of doing the wrong thing and saying something stupid.

I am afraid you won’t agree with me—I’m too pushy, or too weak,

and nowhere near smart enough.

I am afraid I’ll be noticed, or worse, I’ll be invisible.

I am afraid of being bitten by a tick, a pit-bull, a snake

or a monkey with an incurable virus.

Aren’t you?

But mostly I’m afraid you won’t like me…or, maybe you’ll like me too much

and send me four emails everyday, which you will expect me to answer—thoughtfully.

I am afraid that everyone I love will die soon and painfully,

While those I find difficult will enjoy unprecedented longevity.

I fear my children will become depressed, drug addicted or

….. (insert political party you do not belong to here).

I am afraid of high cholesterol and getting fat and that I may die

from an overdose of Jarlsberg.

I have the feeling that somewhere in the Universe I’ve left a stove on with a pot of beans

and very little water in it.

Maybe you won’t like my cooking?

Did I leave anything out?

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”  The Dharma teacher in the kitchen asked.

Well, today my answer is this:

I would make myself so still.  I wouldn’t move until I could hear the sound of water turning to blood in my veins and back again to water.

Only then would I put on my son’s old blue bathrobe and parade into the back yard.

I’d lie in the grass, eating chocolate and cheese and wait for the clouds to come by.

“Hey,” I’d wave to each one.

“Do you know me?  I know you. We are made of the same stuff you and I.

I know, because I can hear you singing, unafraid, just beneath my skin.”

~Celia Landman, May, 2014